There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Vodka?
Forever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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