This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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