Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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