they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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