If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
