his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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