It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
