The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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