so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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