They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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