I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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