I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
