I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
