I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
