Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
