I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
