Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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