Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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