Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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