if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
