We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think i have two assholes
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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