Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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