Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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