could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
