My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
