Cold hands, warm shart.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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