You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
two words: eviction party
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
