i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
