so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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