I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
