Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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