ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
