I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
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