i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
