Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
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Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Found the puke drawer
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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