so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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