got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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