ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
