so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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