You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
