I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
