I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
