Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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