The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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