Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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