it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
