We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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