so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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