He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
