I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
