It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
did i just pee glitter
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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