she woke up with a sticky ear
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
