porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
