Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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