Dual....:-)
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
