New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
