Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
