In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
