No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
