You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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