Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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