the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
