I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
