I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
