1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
