My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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