I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
