Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
