i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
