the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
