all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
