I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
What drink are we having for lunch?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
