meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
