we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
