Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
