I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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