I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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