im drinking this country out of the recession.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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