Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and she was petting her beer can
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
