matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What a dumb baby whore.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
