Sorry, I don't speak sober.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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