im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
